


Already Over

by Detavot



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Another look from a different angle, Canon - Manga, Gen, Manga & Anime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 03:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19265113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Detavot/pseuds/Detavot
Summary: He looked at himself in the reflection.He was over before he had begun.





	Already Over

**Author's Note:**

> I really like how real Ciel is a character completely left up to how we perceive him. That attribute makes him a very fun character to keep on analysing.

    Ciel could never truly think of separating from his brother. Of course the future looming over the two had been real, though the future was so, so far away and his brother was here, right now, leaning against him, all around him; and Ciel would helplessly surrender all of his thoughts to his brother’s arms, live in blissful, warm ignorance for a few more hours. And then his brother would be gone, no longer with him, and Ciel would shatter; suddenly left in a world he knew nothing of without a refuge, feeling abandoned.

    “You really are mean,” Ciel had once said, voice thick with sleep, tongue too heavy to keep secrets. His brother had looked at him, his confusion so genuine that Ciel had felt a dagger stab his heart and twist, but Ciel had refused to hear his brother’s silent question. He had known he could not bear it. He had closed his eyes. 

    It was easier to see everything through a black curtain. Ciel tore up the books his brother had given him--detective novels, solving mysteries by analysing the subtle (and, most of the time, glaringly obvious) details--because he knew the curtain would be torn if he attempted to read them. The world would lose its beauty, his brother would lose the villain-esque light Ciel had bathed him in. It was easier to live when his brother’s innocent smile was painted to be a smirk, his brother’s extended hand towards him painted to be covered in Ciel’s blood, his brother tearing into his heart and giggling in the cute, bright way he did when he was happy.

    Perhaps, if he kept lying to himself, his brother would eventually turn into the monster Ciel desperately wanted him to be. He prayed for his lies to turn into truths every night, hoping God would at least grant his sick, twisted wish before turning His back on him.

    It felt easier to live when he thought of himself as a helpless human left under the control of a monster with more power than him, and he felt sick to his stomach every time his brother smiled at him, trust so clear in his gaze and body language, while he was thinking of such wrong thoughts.

    The monster fell away, sometimes, and the twins lived normally. Sometimes, Ciel forgot his brother’s absolute control over him. Sometimes, Ciel saw his brother as nothing but his brother, someone for him to cherish, love, protect. Ciel clung to those moments much like a lifeline. When he hugged his brother and thought nothing of it, when his brother kissed his cheek and he didn't shy away, when they sat close together and Ciel only relished in the warmth…

    Slowly, the monster began falling to pieces. His brother’s smile shone brightly, his hand became soft and clean, his giggles once again pure and innocent. There was nothing there to frighten him. His brother was warm, trusting, loving, human.

    However, this realisation had come a bit too late.

    His brother’s warm gaze was fading, though the trust was still strong. His brother’s skin was cold, damp, bruised, and sickly. He did not giggle or smile anymore. His hands were covered in scratches from grasping the rusty bars of the cage, his nails broken and bloody from trying so, so hard to crawl away from the pain and humiliation. Ciel took him into his arms, and tried to shield him from the disgusting sins of the world. But one simply could not forget the fires of Hell when they sank. Ciel’s arms were simply not enough, but they were all he had.

    It was a blessing and a curse when the cultist’s hand closed around his arm. He screamed, and he thrashed, and he struggled. When Ciel saw the dagger, his eyes widened. He froze for a single second, listening to his brother's haunting pleas and screams. For a second, he glanced back at the cage and saw his brother’s eyes shining with tears, his face coloured with desperation and pure terror, his hands shaking as they reached out to Ciel as if to grab him and lead him away from the dagger and the cultists.

    _You really are mean,_ Ciel wanted to say. _Do not tease me like this. Not now._

    The dagger made contact with his skin.

 

 

    Ciel did not wake with a startled gasp, opening his eyes, sitting up in bed. Ciel woke without feeling or moving. He only gained consciousness, he only gained the ability to hear and see; he was forced to take whatever knowledge his maker pushed upon him.

    His brother, driven insane after Ciel’s death, had made a contract with a demon, he chased after revenge as he used Ciel’s identity. His maker, a man called the Undertaker and ha been an acquaintance of Father’s, was a Grim Reaper who refused to tell him why he had brought him back to life. Ciel had been given time to digest the information given before the Undertaker began taking him where his brother was in order to fully awaken his body and memories.

    He remembered how his undead heart had begun to beat when he saw his brother in the dirty streets of London, facing off against Madame Red. How his heart had begun to panic while his body remained emotionless as Madame Red brought that knife closer to his neck. Was this what his brother had to come back to? A family that didn't exist anymore, a family that had died alongside Ciel?

    His brother’s hand was dyed crimson. He laughed as he killed and manipulated, he lied, he offered genuine smiles to his demon. He dug into others’ hearts, his smile as innocent as ever, and tore them apart from the inside as his single eye held warmth. His smirks were cruel. His eye, when not covered by masks, was cold and indifferent.

    Ciel’s stupid, heartless prays were made into reality, most likely a result of God’s last cruel prank before abandoning them completely. His brother had completely turned into the monster Ciel had always wished him to be, and Ciel’s dead heart was hurting. How could he even salvage this situation when he knew so little, when he hadn't been in contact with anyone for the past three years? He spent most of his time thinking of solutions to a question he had never deemed possible for him to ask: How could he turn his brother human again?

    _That is easy,_ a dark voice in the corner of his mind told him, late in the night with the moon soaring high, a light only the unholy could truly grasp the beauty of. The voice sounded so, so familiar to his brother's. Kind, quiet, always said with a small smile and a warm tone. Always, always contradicting with his ruthless words. _Become an even scarier monster._


End file.
